Desert Sea

Watching the Worm

It is Mother's Day 2008. I now have two children. I never thought I would have one. I said I didn't want kids and it took me until I was about 32 to officially feel the clock ticking. I think I never wanted to leave the "maiden" portion of the "maiden-mother-crone" designation. Let me be clear, I have never really thought of myself as "maiden", but it is in this time period that one can be also called "warrior" (seriously, where do I get this from???). To leave the stage of warrior-maiden and become "mother" means to become vulnerable. I didn't/don't like being vulnerable. It makes me messy. Let's just say there is a reason why I obsess over my day-job. It is hard for me to manage my emotions and I so I would rather work (and write persona poetry so I can pretend to be someone else).

Ah, this is digressing into a violin-playing pity party. Enough said. I LOVE my boys, and I cannot imagine life without them. What's more, I love my mother. Without her, I would not be who I am today....a slightly more vulnerable maiden who is beginning to accept that motherhood does not mean you have to give up being that warrior-maiden completely.

:) Happy Mother's Day to all those who accept the mantle of motherhood and to those who wear it a bit awkwardly too.

I Must Blog on Mother's Day!

I owe it to myself to have done at least ONE thing for myself on mother's day. I find this holiday to be very strange if you are a mother. It doesn't usually translate to a relaxing, hang-out and veg type of day. I did tell myself that I was going to blog no matter how late I posted it, damn it! :) Blogging is my form of relaxation and as you can tell from the scarcity of blog posts-- I haven't been able to get here too often.

So here is post 1 of 2...a little slideshow with updated baby pics of our new little guy!

Life w/ A&A

I.can.not.blog.

Mommyhood is exhausting. But we knew that, didn't we? So all I have for now is an image (google earth I believe?) of my late grandmother's home town in Italy...I grabbed it from a distant cousin's facebook site all about that town of about 1800 people.

Is this what my grandmother sees when she looks down on us? Probably not, but I know this image would have delighted her while she lived.

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Yesterday was my maternal grandfather's birthday and the Feast of St. George, my grandmother's favorite and her hometown's patron saint (wow, that sentence was not well-constructed!). It was also day 13 of second son's life and the first day I visited my work after his birth. I suppose none of those items are very significant in and of themselves. Indeed, I took this photo yesterday-- following a ritual my grandmother set up for me when I was little: providing flowers for the statue of Mary. And here in this pic are not only fresh flowers but the glow-in-the-dark Mary that used to be on my grandmother's pseudo-altar.

All of this to remind me that memories help us float in the ocean of life. Peace be with you.

We're Knights, that's Right

Here is my first son as knight. I am equally fascinated and a bit terrified at how early boys feel the need to be heroes. I don't think it is as simple as TV influence. I think there is a part of the gene code that tells the male brain it must save and protect things, loved ones, self. It is endearing and scary. It is why we will never be as peaceful as we envision. And I know there are small communities that have never experienced this kind of draw towards violence and/or violent action. I am told it is a choice, not a genetic impulse. I don't know how I feel about all this.

I do know how I feel about one thing: my boys. Sheer joy. Last night I lay in bed with my new son on my lap dozing before feeding and my first son trying to get to sleep next to me holding my hand. I have never experienced quite this level of joy. It was very much an earth mother experience (and most people will tell you I am no earth mother). I have had joy with one son, but not this level of joy. It was surreal and serene.

I guess you might say I am enjoying the second go round of mommyhood.

Post Partum Blog-- Home with Baby!

We are home with Second Son! :) He was (finally) born just ahead of his due date on April 10, 2008 at 9:45 in the morning. There were no complications though it was far from easy. Here are the pics for the last few days. I will post a more detailed blog soon!

Wacky Wednesday

Springtime 08

Here is a slide show that shows me from last weekend. Now I am 39.5 weeks! :) I have not had the baby yet, as most of you know. Sigh. It is Wacky Wednesday for First Son at Pre-K today. I feel like it is wacky Wednesday for me too. Lots of cramps and a few contractions but nothing consistent. I was not made for hanging around the house. I need work and activity. And yes, I know I should spend the whole day writing poetry or my many unfinished writing projects, but being this pregnant -- the motivation is lacking. Too much creative energy is being spent on the unborn soul in my tummy.

Ah, but that is an excuse, isn't it? -- said the Cruel Mistress who lives inside my head.

Here is to a 4/13 (or sooner) delivery date!

Enjoy the sun or the fun wherever you are!

Nothing But Red...

I normally do not blog about things political. However, this is writing-related political. An anthology has been released today with some folk that I went to school with and other authors I admire. It is a written response to the brutal stoning death of Du'a Khalil that took place on this day last year.

All the profits from sales will go to Equality Now a non-profit human rights organization.

Here is a link on info about Du'a and the anthology. http://nothingbutred.wordpress.com/

A Little Sleepwalking Romance

It is National Poetry Month-- and here is a snippet of one of my all time (top ten) favorite poems. Originally written in Spanish by Federico Garcia Lorca--a Spanish poet who was assassinated in 1936. Read more about Lorca at Poets.org

Romance Sonambulo

Green, how I want you green.

Green wind. Green branches.

The ship out on the sea

and the horse on the mountain.

With the shade around her waist

she dreams on her balcony,

green flesh, her hair green,

with eyes of cold silver.

Green, how I want you green.

Under the gypsy moon,

all things are watching her

and she cannot see them.

--read on

Enjoy the weekend!

The Waiting

This is what I looked like one month ago.

This is what I look like now. A veritable Venus of Willendorf. [The photo is a CC (collective commons) photo from wikipedia]

So you guessed it, I am still waiting for Second Son to come out. I am frustrated and irritated, but yet I know there is a finite limit to how long he will be in my tummy. I also know it will be worth the wait, but I have to say, my feet are super swollen, it hurts to walk, I am developing all sorts of unpleasant health issues that need not be discussed publicly...I am getting pretty cranky about turning into milking vehicle and bovine life support.

I seriously need to get that anthology on motherhood someone recommended to me (and many of my friends have work in) because I read that it was not all "joy" and "beauty" of motherhood, but the spurs and thorns as well. It is called: White Ink...here is a link for purchase: http://www.yorku.ca/arm/whiteink.html [This paragraph is in support of National poetry month...go read some poetry...as a matter of fact, I think I will go try to find a poem to calm my frayed nerves and then off to sleep.]

be well...